


Throwing Peanuts is Not a Sport

by yorozuyas



Series: 100 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Attempt at Humor, Forgive Me, Friendship, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Male Friendship, Mild Language, i have no idea what this is, i might add another chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7115089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yorozuyas/pseuds/yorozuyas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can you stop?” Hijikata says, irritated. The bastard has been throwing peanuts at him for the past hour or so and whenever Hijikata gives him the look, Gintoki pretends like he isn’t doing anything and goes back to flicking peanuts at him the moment Hijikata looks away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Throwing Peanuts is Not a Sport

“Can you stop?” Hijikata says, irritated. He’s sitting by his desk, slumped over as he types on his computer. He has an essay due tomorrow and he’s stressed out because he hates the topic he’s been given to write about. It doesn’t help that his jackass of a roommate, Sakata Gintoki, is adding to his vexation. The bastard has been throwing peanuts at him for the past hour or so and whenever Hijikata gives him the look, Gintoki pretends like he isn’t doing anything and goes back to flicking peanuts at him the moment Hijikata looks away.

Eyeing Gintoki again – giving him a warning look –, he then turns back to his essay. There’s a strain on his neck and it’s been there for quite some time now. Sighing, Hijikata takes a sip from his coffee then runs a hand through his messy hair. The essay topic he’s been given isn’t hard to write – if it weren’t him who has to do it. Like, seriously? “ _If you were given a chance to go back and change one day in your life, what would it be and why_?” – Who the hell thinks up these essay questions? How do they expect him to answer that?

Hijikata is someone who’s lived with past regrets and mistakes – but do they really expect him to write something extremely personal to him? Just as he’s debating about what he should do, another peanut clips him on the forehead and he growls in anger. “Can you fucking stop?” he yells, standing so abruptly that he felt nauseous for a few seconds. “Can’t you see I’m doing something here?”

“I can _see_ that, but you’re concentrating so hard, your eyebrows look like they’re going to merge and form one big unibrow any minute now,” Gintoki says nonchalantly with his hands in pockets. “Haven’t you heard of that movie called Zombrow? You’re _this_ much closer to looking like one of those fucked up zombie-like humans who started attacking other people just because their eyebrows unified with each other.”

“What are you trying to say?” Hijikata demands, fuming. He doesn’t even have the slightest bit of an idea on what Gintoki was talking about. “Quit wasting my time, I want to get on with this fuckin’ essay already!”

Gintoki smiles – a smile that would have made anyone’s skin crawl, but since Hijikata sees that every day, it’s practically nothing – and pushes off from his bed. He walks towards him, a small ball in his hand as he throws it up and catches it in mid-air.

“I’m tryna say that I have a proposal for ya,” Gintoki says as he slams his free hand down on Hijikata’s desk.

“And what,” Hijikata glares, “might that be?” He’s curious about what kind of ‘proposal’ Gintoki has for him. Mostly, Hijikata tries to avoid them, since it causes trouble more often than not. It’s just that this natural perm head has a knack for wreaking havoc wherever he goes even though he doesn’t mean it sometimes.  

“I’ll write your essay for you,” Gintoki says, but before he could say anything else, Hijikata cuts him off.

“No. Absolutely not. _You,_ write _my_ essay? Honestly, I have no fucking idea how you haven’t repeated a semester when you fail so many tests.”

“Hey!” Gintoki feigns hurt, “I’m getting _good_ grades now! I just didn’t understand those exams I’ve failed!”

“Exactly.”

“I may not look like it, Oogushi-kun,” Gintoki gets defensive. “But I do bomb ass essays. I write _extremely_ well essays. How else do you think I got into this college?”

“That is _not_ -”

“My point is: I’ll write your essay for you if you help me pass my next exam.”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I’m your roommate who is in need of dire help. If I don’t pass that exam, I’m going to repeat a semester. I don’t need a hundred percent. Just a passing mark will do for me.”

“What am I going to get if I help you?” Hijikata considers.

“Anything you want me to do,” Gintoki replies, “with the exception of kicking me out of this room. Other than that, I’m game.”

A pause. Then, “Okay.”

 

*****

 

“So _that’s_ how you get the value of x,” Gintoki says. It’s half past two in the morning and Hijikata has been, well, tutoring him for the last three or so hours. It’s not as if he was a bad teacher really, it’s mainly because Gintoki keeps dozing off or spacing out ten minutes into his tutoring. He can hardly believe this guy even made it into college, but what do you know? Maybe Gintoki had some sort of trick he has up his sleeve that’s managed to let them admit him here.

“I’ve been explaning that shit to you for hours, Gintoki, I can’t believe you only got it now,” Hijikata sighs, pinching the area in between his eyebrows. There’s a dull pounding in his head.

“You see, Oogushi-kun,” Gintoki puts a hand on his shoulder. “There are many things in this world that are compatible with each other. Just like you and mayonnaise, or me and parfaits. Both things are compatible, and both can’t survive without the other. But maths? Maths is just something I will _never_ be compatible with. I don’t even understand half of this shit and I’m in _college_! Can you believe that?”

“That’s probably because you’re an idiot,” Hijikata massages the areas where his neck is stiff, and runs a hand through his unruly hair. “I swear to God if you don’t pass this exam…”

“No, no, I will! I will pass this exam! I can’t let your hard work go into waste! Believe in me, and believe in my Little Shiroyasha!”

“Okay, what the _fuck_ does _that_ have to do with this?”

Gintoki smiles sheepishly. “Because he and I have been up all night studying with you.”

Hijikata cringes and punches him lightly on the shoulder. “Ew, that’s fuckin’ disgusting, don’t ya have any manners or somethin’! Wait – is _that_ what you were thinking about when you kept on spacing out? No fuckin’ wonder you fail your classes, ya goddamn pervert!”

“You act as if you’ve never once jerked off or watched porn in your life! What are you, some kind of saint or something?”

Hijikata barely manages to dodge the bullet. “I just – ugh! You know what, get outta here before I kick you out myself, bastard! And take your ugly porn mags with ya!”

Gintoki laughs real hard and gets up from Hijikata’s desk, making a dirty gesture that makes his eyes bulge out of its sockets. “Well then, I’m off to –”

Hijikata throws a pillow at him before Gintoki disappears into the bathroom, laughing his ass off.

**Author's Note:**

> I Don't Know What This Is I am So Sorry I wrote this instead of sleeping haaaahhhhhhhhhhhh


End file.
